What is pain?
by PinguMew98
Summary: [language and suicide warnings and yaoi references] One cold night, Lloyd walked into their room to find Zelos...OneShot


Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia. In fact…I don't even own a Gamecube. (I steal my friend's!)

What is Pain?

"Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some."–Jose Marti

It was cold; there was no other way for me to say it. I had never been so cold before in my life. Weather-wise, it was cold also; it was snowing steadily outside with no signs of it stopping.

Cooped up at an inn in Flanoir, we all had a lot of time to pass with nothing much to do. I got to thinking, (Raine told me not to think too hard, she thinks I might damage something) what would happen if Colette was to fail, or if anyone of us failed to protect Colette? Raine was right, thinking too much hurts. I walked downstairs, hoping the walking would make my blood flow faster to help me think clearer. Needless to say, it did not help but since I was already downstairs, I stayed, hanging out with the rest of our party sitting around a fire. "Hey bud!" Zelos. I smiled. I don't know what it is, but something bothers me about Zelos, it just nags at the back of my mind and won't shut-up, just like him to never leave my thoughts, always bugging me. "I just thought you might wanna warm up over here…but warming up with a pretty hunny is the best way to get warm." I knew, hell, we ALL knew what was coming next and without fail, Sheena slapped Zelos across the face, "Touch me you dirty Chosen and you quickly learn what pain truly is." Zelos' face twisted into a pleasantly happy smirk but he did not expand on his previous statement, instead he stood up, "Actually, I'm rather tired. I'll see you all later…unless." Zelos smiled down and Sheena who had already given him a threatening look, "I guess not then…later. Goodbye." He whispered the last word, as though he really meant it. Goodbye. Such a strange word and I can't remember Zelos ever saying that word before. Zelos left with a swish of his pink coat and left me to ponder his cryptic last word, left only me to ponder because, evidently, no one else realized that he had even said that. I had already had my dose of thinking for the day, any more and my head might explode, so I left the matter to talk about how cold it was outside with the rest of my party.

An hour or so passed with no particular moment standing out in my memory. People had slowly been leaving the room as the hour passed until I was left with Sheena and Raine. Raine had a new book in her hands and the last thing she was thinking about was sleep and Sheena seemed very intent at merely staring into the dying flames of the fire. I was getting tired myself so I bid my farewell to the two women and headed up to my room which I shared with Zelos. I got to the room and was surprised to see the light was still on, I thought Zelos had gone to bed over an hour ago. I opened the door a hair and called in, "Zelos?" no answer. I opened the door completely, looking around to see if he had passed out on the floor or something along those lines. Nothing. Confused I wandered over to the bathroom, Zelos had been acting strange ever since we entered Flanoir, he could be sick. I opened the door and I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound passed through my lips. There he was, laying on his back, lying in a pool of blood, his own blood, just, lying on the floor. My mind seemed to shut down and all I could do was stare down at Zelos's bloody body, still lying on the floor, mouth agape. Suddenly, like a kick in the crotch, my mind started up again. My eyes widened and I sprinted down the stairs in attempts to reach Sheena and Raine who I prayed were still up. I got to the room dripping with sweat and panting as though I had just finished running a mile. When Sheena saw me she stood, a note of panic apparent in her voice, "Lloyd! What happened?" I could not think straight.

Zelos, blood, floor, blood, Zelos, bathroom. "Ze…Zel…blood…so much, blood..." were the only words I managed to choke out between my gasps for air. Sheena gripped me by my shoulders and looked almost frightened, "Where Lloyd? Where?" My head spun. I felt dizzy and lightheaded and the tears just would not stop streaming down my face. "Bathroom…" that was the only word I managed to get out of my mouth. With that, Sheena took off upstairs with Raine, who had apparently been listening, close on her heels. I finally caught my breath and chased after them, not wanting to leave Zelos to lie there. We got to the room at about the same time and we all entered the room. All would have seemed normal if I had not have known better. We walked over to the bathroom and looked in. Sheena screamed and Raine covered her mouth and turned away. I was expecting what Zelos looked like but I still winced when I saw him lying there. Raine recovered fastest, "Get Zelos onto the bed!" she ordered as she ran out of the room to grab her med kit. Lloyd went over and grabbed Zelos by the hands and Sheena picked up his feet. Just as the two of them got Zelos into the bed Raine returned. She started to treat his wounds immediately cleaning off the blood caked everywhere. I had just realized that I did not know how Zelos got to be covered in blood but as Raine cleaned him off I saw the cause, his wrists. I gagged at the sight of two jagged lines running the length of both of Zelos's wrists. I could not tear my eyes away from the cuts, I wanted just to reach out and run my finger down the length of his cuts. My fingers were nearly to his wrists when Zelos's voice lifted me out of my trance. "What the…fuck?" His voice was so weak that it was a miracle that he could even move his lips. I rushed to his bedside; Sheena stood a good distance away looking as pale as the moon; Raine kept her mutterings up, trying desperately to save Zelos's life.

"Why?" my quiet plead for an answer. "Why would you do that to us, to me?" I could tell Zelos was fading fast, the blood kept running out of his wrists, slowly staining the once white sheets red like his hair. "…should…" his voice was distant and came in rasping bursts, "…have…never…been….born…said…goodbye…" his voice now came in wheezes, "…no…cry…love…" be he never finished his sentence; his hand fell limp, flopping pathetically over the edge of the bed and his body relaxed, he was no longer in any pain.

"So this is what it feels like to fail." I had nearly forgotten Raine was still in the room. She sat, stunned at her inability to save Zelos. Sheena walked out of the room stopping briefly to rest a comforting hand on Raine's shoulder before she left. I sat and pondered Zelos's final word, love. Love, love whom? Surely he must have meant Sheena with the way he flirted with her. I felt a sudden pang of jealousy; I loved Zelos but was too afraid to tell him for fear of losing him as a friend. I heard the familiar sound of thumping footsteps and the rest of my friends entered the room. Genis ran over to his sister to comfort her, Presea double checked Zelos's pulse and confirmed his death, Colette ran over to me and gave me a hug, and Regal had silently stood by the door, quietly watching. I went to hug Colette closer to me but I looked down at my hands and they were covered in blood, Zelos's blood. "Colette, I really need to be alone." I said trying to master my emotions. Colette simply nodded her head. As I left the room I heard Regal's voice, "He is in a happier place now, no more pain."

"No more pain." I am glad for Zelos, only now I feel his pain plus mine. Genis uses some big words for it that I do not understand but all I know is that if Zelos is happy and is no longer feeling pain, then I would gladly bear his pain till my time comes. It is the least I can do for him. "Are you happy Zelos?"


End file.
